Short Story Contest 3 Winner - "The Blue Girl" by Shaphat

[Skillian]

I'm just going to be honest. It wasn't for me. It was a cute idea, and there was a decent sense of suspense.... but I felt it was pretty predictable. I also felt it ended abruptly. Like it just jumped from the girl with a smiling blue fairy into her face to BAM she is found dead the next day. It was like all the build up to some kind of confrontational action sequence.. but then there was no sequence. Just oh sorry its over. The end. haha. Up until that point I felt there was decent flow. I just wish we had gotten some answers.

[Hadiqa]

Good story~ congratulations!!

[Stevefromtheblock]

This contest was from 2007. Are there still short story contests?

[Skillian]

I think you accidentally looked at the poster's 'joined' date. This thread was first started 26 Jul 2012, 19:45... haha but still the same question applies. It has been a while. I hope there will be another contest soon. *finger's crossed*

[Stevefromtheblock]

Oh, I guess you're right. I'm new here. anyway, I hope there is a new contest soon.

[Skillian]

haha no need to blush! At first I was like whaaaaat??? and went to look it up.. because I was going to be disappointed and lose a little hope in another contest coming to pass if it really had been in 2007. haha. I am also relatively new. Ok.... still very new. lol

[Cody Mathews]

It grabbed the reader from the first paragraph and left me wanting to read the "next" chapter if it was written into a book. Good Job.

[1mariposaheart]

Enjoyed your story. Poor Betsy, I was rooting for her to be free of the blue girl. It would be hood to add why she was being visited and why she had to also die.

[THWilliams82]

Well that story took an unexpected turn!

[Sarita Everson]

It was a great story but was disappointed with the ending.

[ejcogan]

Ooh careful what you wish for! I loved it!

[reubenkey]

This is an entertaining short story. It needed some editing for punctuation, but so did many of the comments. I was impressed with this story. The ending was a bit abrupt.

[accioawesomeness]

I liked the narration style and the good pacing and suspense. It started out a bit slow but did draw me in soon enough. To be honest though, I found the concept, plot and moral of this story very cliche... many parts really didn't work for me, it felt like a bad horror movie. The predictable "rule of three" formula (someone gets killed... not too suspicious... someone else gets killed... hmm what SUSPENSE and duh duh duh the third person happens to be our main character), not much character development, really. I was very disappointed to find no backstory or further development into the blue girl's actual identity? For me something like that would've made this story much more interesting and memorable. As well the characters Linda and the father felt very flat, they felt more like plot devices than characters.

[Vallelinz]

i enjoyed the idea and the beginning. Could have gone into more descriptive detail of the characters and explain who the blue girl was... like a twist ending. all in all good writing, kept me reading til the end! keep those spooky stories coming!

-- 19 Sep 2015, 16:16 --

i enjoyed the idea and the beginning. Could have gone into more descriptive detail of the characters and explain who the blue girl was... like a twist ending. all in all good writing, kept me reading til the end! keep those spooky stories coming!

[pallavi garg]

So nicely constructed I could see images while reading. .certainly horrifying. ...great. ..