What is the best way to overcome abuse and trauma?

Use this forum to discuss the April 2018 Book of the Month, "Ironbark Hill" by Jennie Linnane
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Cristina Chifane
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Re: What is the best way to overcome abuse and trauma?

Post by Cristina Chifane »

dorerogers1 wrote: 10 Apr 2018, 12:19 My understanding is that when someone hurts or abuses a person, they also take their power or hold a form of power over them. Speaking from my personal experience, the first action is to realize the abuse and mistreatment for what it is. Realize that no person on this planet has the right to abuse or mistreat another. Then find safety and expose the situation, find supportive, safe, and healing people to communicate with. The individual should begin to connect with him or herself and realize that they are valued and needed and should not be hurt or abused. They should begin to carry this within himself or herself no matter what the outer circumstances. This will take time but it's the life and right of the person in this experience and the time spent healing and recovering the true, wonderful, safe and secure self is well worth it. :D
You're right. The abuser becomes your obsession and it may make you feel spellbound somehow. I also agree with your idea about recovery. I only have one problem. You may trust yourself, but what about the others? Will you ever be able to completely trust the others again? What if the abuser was your mother or father? Wouldn't you think that if your own mother or father could do this to you, then what can you expect from strangers?
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Cristina Chifane
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Post by Cristina Chifane »

ostercl wrote: 10 Apr 2018, 15:05 Talk about a loaded question... So many factors go into how a person will be effected and react from personal trauma. People interpret day to day events in different ways, so I personally think it would be impossible to pinpoint the exact manor in which someone should deal with something like trauma. It would be interesting to survey the "more successful" methods, however.
This was my idea too because I know there are a lot of people out there who need to find a way out of an abusive situation.
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Cristina Chifane
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Post by Cristina Chifane »

Eileen R wrote: 10 Apr 2018, 16:03 Unfortunately many people suffer from verbal, physical and psychological abuse in silence. It does take a lot of courage to fight back and seek help.One of the ways that someone can seek help is by talking to someone whether it's a professional, a close friend or a family member. However, it can take years for you to start healing.
Have you finished reading the novel? Do you think Natalie healed in the end?
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Post by Cristina Chifane »

kina wrote: 10 Apr 2018, 19:19 The mother is definitely an enabler of the alcoholic father and contributes to the abuse by allowing Natalie to be the protector of her mother and siblings. While it is a dark situation, children shouldn't be forced to be protectors of their parents in a dangerous situation like abuse. Every abusive situation is different and one way is to completely cut abusers out of people's lives and seeking help for themselves, such as cutting contact and moving away to get therapy. It's frowned upon because there is no forgiveness of the abuser, but sometimes abusers should not and cannot be forgiven for multiple reasons.

Writing abuse can be hard for two reasons. If the writer has never experienced abuse and is just taking tropes from media and not doing research, it will be hard. Or, if they're writing from experience it can be hard because it brings up old feelings and trauma from the abuse.
In the novel, we discover that Alex is an orphan. He lived in Sam Teagle's family, but he was never officially adopted. He falls in love with Irma, yet she prefers Johnny. After Johnny's death, he wins Irma's heart and marries her. Davey, their son together, dies in a horrible accident. He cannot cope with the trauma of losing his son and starts drinking. What I want to say is that Alex has passed through his own share of traumatic experiences until he becomes the abuser. I do not think he has excuses, but I was thinking of what you said about forgiveness. I know there are unforgivable things. Forgiving is good for your soul, though.
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Post by TJ Campbell »

As a person who has suffered from abuse knows first hand that is not only the abusers fault it is the fault of the ones that are around and know. Also I dived into reading as my outlet just like Natalie dived into art. There are many different ways to overcome abuse and Trauma whether it be a form of art , reading , therapy, or meditation.
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Post by Bigirimana Celestin »

Not only the father is responsible but also the mother. The raise and the protection of children was her primary concern not Natalie's. The way the author expressed the stuation anyone may think that it is not difficult to express it, but on the other hand, it is difficult even for an experianced author. Remember that everyone has its own ways to deal with problems accordingly, but when it comes to trauma, talking to someone or writing a novel about it is the best way to deal with trauma.
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Post by kastle »

In handling abuse, I think in my opinion that the best way to handle it is to get out of the bad situation if possible. Also, to find a good but healthy outlet to express your emotions or finding someone you can talk to about it.
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Post by Ajbish »

Let go and move on. Probably comes off as overly simplified but I really don't see any other way. As a child of abuse and as an adult who was briefly in an abusive relationship. Everyone does so in their own way yet the indisputable truth is that at one point the simplistic explaination is a necessity to the process.
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Post by Uche Balogun »

I would say that the best way to overcome it is to reach out and get help, but what if you don't know anyone to reach out to?
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Post by Snowhite189 »

One should seek medical help, but sometimes the one experiencing it they tend to hide it from their loved ones so they are afraid that people will judge them and that nobody will understand what they are going through so their family play an important role here if the child for example is acting different lately the parent should talk to the child as calm as possible, if the child wouldn't respond despite all the efforts of the parents i think that's time for them to ask the help of the psychiatrist most especially if we don't know if the child has a suicidal tendencies and we all don't want that to happen.
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Post by Sketches_by_Shell »

cristinaro wrote: 13 Apr 2018, 10:26
Sketches_by_Shell wrote: 09 Apr 2018, 18:35 Time and ones own personal growth are the only real cures for emotional and/or physical abuses in life. The way the author uses Natalie's art to keep her mind off of her abuse is one good idea. I feel that the whole family is at fault when an abuser is getting away with something. Other family members should step up and interfere, if at all possible, or at the very least let outside family know what is happening. In severe cases, let authorities know. Many times it would be difficult to write about this subject if one had not experienced it, but just like any other subject a writer had not experienced himself, he could research. There have been many things written on various abuses and with the internet, one could find much information to assist.
Do you remember Natalie in the novel? What happens when Alex falls in the river? In the flash of a few seconds, she relives everything he has done to her and her family. Physical wounds heal, but emotional ones leave deep scars behind. I sincerely hope time heals all wounds although I have my doubts.
So true, time alone may not do the trick, but I also suggested that one's personal growth must be part of the equation. Each subsequent time something "triggers" that memory, one has more strength and through the passage of time, one feels less and less. By personal growth, I would suggest searching some of many different coping techniques available.
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Post by MarieCP »

Self care. Building up your support network. Reaching out to other survivors and telling your story.
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Post by Ashley Kasprowicz »

I feel like the best way for her to get through it is stay busy try to keep her distance feed into her art and block out negativity keep her faith in god and pray . She could also report to police to get herself out of the situation for her safety and health :(
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Post by Chill01 »

I think this is the perfect example of a severely dysfunctional family. All the members have roles to play in the dysfunction and all of them are acting exactly how you would expect them to in an alcoholic home.
I was so infuriated by everyone in the story when this child was beaten to the point that she could not leave the house for a full week due to the extent of her injuries, and clearly the mother understands this is wrong and she makes a stand to protect her but does not report the abuse to authorities, the grandfather does try to stop the abuse by threatening the stepfather with a shotgun but everyone is making excuses and turning a blind eye and walking on eggshells and pretending it's normal. I think in order to recover from this type of abuse Natalie would need years of therapy and may never fully overcome it. I fully understand why she would become involved with an older man, the first one that shows her any attention, this is also a common trait of adult survivors of abuse.
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Post by 6912dirtyfeet »

Does anyone really overcome abuse and trauma, some might learn to deal and cope with the situation. I don't think one really overcomes the abuse. Now on the other hand overcoming all the set backs and how to deal with abuse or pushing them back so you don't have to face them is more what one would overcome.
Everyone in the house is responsible not only the alcoholic father. They should not leave him to handle it by his elf no matter what. It is the support he can receive from others that could help him.
The best way to respond to any abuse is to remember you are not at fault and did nothing to deserve this.Depending on if the writer has experienced abusive situations on how well or difficult an author can have when describing abuse and trauma. Some writers can describe it as if they were there.
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