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Kola+wole wrote: ↑02 Sep 2020, 09:26 Everyone likes to put up a strong front so as not to be called weak and exploited. Also, the fear that the help sought might not be forthcoming and can lead to ridicule is another factor. In the end, asking for help when necessary makes life easier.

Maconstewart wrote: ↑02 Sep 2020, 13:45 I think asking for help is one of the hardest things for us humans. From the time we learn to walk we are striving for independence. I think the thought pattern is that when we ask for help we are surrendering some of that independence. There is also the fear that the help is not freely given.

AntonelaMaria wrote: ↑01 Sep 2020, 11:27 There is one quote from Lena that kind of stuck with me.

"There's no way you can stop people from making mistakes no matter how much you want to. I couldn't stop myself. I don't know why I thought I could stop anybody else. I guess because I did learn one big thing. I learned that if you get help, you can help yourself."

It seems really inspiring but also true. How many times we know were are making a mistake and we do it anyway or know someone in our family is doing it but we can stop it? How many times we are trying to tought it out and not reach out for help thinking is the sign of weakness? In the end, when she allowed her friend and her mother to be there for her and help her she stopped hiding behind the bottle. She survived so much and then she is able to see that Maureen is making a mistakes and having a hard time. So she is there for her and Kalayla. She really is an amazing friend. Without the judgement and preachiness.

What are your thoughts?

Wesley Friday wrote: ↑06 Sep 2020, 20:56 I think getting help from others starts from the point of making one's self vulnerable in the presence of the potential helper. Though we are social beings, if making friends as adults is much harder than in our childhood, how much do you think opening up about one's deepest flaws to someone you barely know as an adult will be. These women in the novel essentially lacked the emotional support a close relation could offer. Thus stepping out of their comfort zones to interact with persons who weren't professionals was probably much harder. But just like Lena said, in the end, they got help to help themselves by looking around themselves.

Guda LM wrote: ↑11 Sep 2020, 14:33 Getting help is never as easy as it seems, especially for deeper or more profound issues. The first thing that comes to mind and always lead to hesistaion is the judgment that may come after revealing your mistake. It is always a difficult situation, as we always want help from the people we trust the most, but also their opinions of us and their view of us matters the most. So anything that threatens to change that, including revealing the mistake, is frowned upon. So in the end you end up struggling in silence.

Sharing is the easiest, hardest, and trickiest thing to do. Also the most beneficial.

Nhitra wrote: ↑14 Sep 2020, 13:37 Asking for help is hard. Worried that you'll be ridiculed or frowned upon if you ever voice your concern. Maybe the fault doesn't lie in the people not asking for help but in their loved one who doesn't give them a safe environment for them to ask for help without fear.

Nhitra wrote: ↑14 Sep 2020, 13:37 Asking for help is hard. Worried that you'll be ridiculed or frowned upon if you ever voice your concern. Maybe the fault doesn't lie in the people not asking for help but in their loved one who doesn't give them a safe environment for them to ask for help without fear.