Can love be rationalised by checklist?

Post by **Shillah Andeso** » 28 Feb 2023, 23:10

Mark wanted to do this because he wanted to avoid mistakes similar to those that led to the divorce. By doing this he could be ensured of a peaceful marriage and could also understand the patner better. The people we choose go a long way in determining the life we'll have.

Jane Ogwang · Post by **Jane Ogwang** » 02 Mar 2023, 03:03

I also found it quite interesting. It gets even more confusing when he says he saw these values in the first few dates with his second wife. By the time you realize the true values people hold, it's probably way into the relationship.

Post by **Sushan Ekanayake** » 02 Mar 2023, 04:16

I understand how some people may feel uncomfortable being evaluated based on a checklist of traits. It's important to remember that relationships are about mutual respect, communication, and understanding, and no one should be treated like an object or judged solely on a list of qualities.

Hazel Mae Bagarinao · Post by **Hazel Mae Bagarinao** » 02 Mar 2023, 04:22

Mark's long list for ideal partner is unrealistic, in my opinion. I don't think you can get a person like all the 267 qualities, it looks like he's looking for a perfect partner (perfect person). Maybe 10 qualities in the checklist are enough and realistic, rather.

AnInternationalMountainMan · 03 Mar 2023, 01:34

I agree that the thought of being compared with furniture etc. is offputting, and I my self would feel bad. However the act of him writing down his preferences in a checklist in my opinion, is only the act of mking a physical copy of the checklists all of us have in oir heads. Even though we may not think of our preferences as a checklist I believe it very much is. If we're talking about a life partner or a freind, we evaluate and weigh any person we meet with the preferences and qualities we like in a person. Therefore I dislike the way he writes down this inner checklist, however I believe it is not just normal but almost a human trait to have a very simmilar checklist in our minds.

Ebele Ekelobi · Post by **Ebele Ekelobi** » 03 Mar 2023, 02:09

One of the reasons for the high rate of divorce in the United States is the lack of checklists before marriage. If you're looking for a job, there's a checklist from the company which you must satisfy to prove that you're qualified for the position before you get the title of 'employee'. Same applies to marriage. Some people have qualities that'll be detrimental to a marriage in the long run so a checklist is very important. So yeah, I love what Mark did. He got wise from his first marriage.

Post by **Leasa Ana Maria** » 04 Mar 2023, 17:45

I agree. Being compared with some words on a checklist feels so degrading to a point. If you try to compare another person with your expectations, no matter how good your intentions are, it will still feel wrong, and it may backfire if the other person finds out that it had to pass positively on a checklist so that it could be approved by another person.

Post by **Oluoma Chukwu** » 05 Mar 2023, 18:37

I understand Mark's need for a list since he had gone through a divorce however, I agree with you. I would not only feel like a piece of furniture or some sort of item, I would cringe at the thought that my partner has a list of qualities they check to see if I fit.

Post by **Kirsi Cultrera** » 06 Mar 2023, 07:07

I could agree with a shorter checklist, say, 10 qualities or something like that, even though I would think that it is very unromantic. But I know there are people who actually function better via reasoning than via their feelings, so maybe for them, a list might work. However, over 200 qualities is overdoing it, in my opinion.

Success Azuka · Post by **Success Azuka** » 06 Mar 2023, 08:17

I really don't know who to agree with until I am done reading the book. Mark checklist will save him the trouble to repeating the same mistake he made before. Love is one of the hardest thing to control.

Abdul-Malik Hassan · Post by **Abdul-Malik Hassan** » 07 Mar 2023, 04:44

It may seem absurd to someone, at first, as to why a person is willing to go to such an extent to find an ideal soulmate or twin flame. Nevertheless, I think this was a profound way to compensate for the loss he had incurred. On the contrary, it was in his admission that such ideas soon fade into the blue once the balance is restored.

Sam Ibeh · Post by **Sam Ibeh** » 10 Mar 2023, 15:03

I found the list of 267 qualities quite hilarious. Before I got married, I had a list of qualities I wanted my ideal wife to have. Well, after series of heartbreaks, I tore the list and opened my heart to accept a partner that is ready to do life with me. Nonetheless, I applaud the author for painstakingly making that list.

Roderick Voss · Post by **Roderick Voss** » 10 Mar 2023, 20:49

Love is a complex emotion that involves a strong emotional and physical bond between two people, and it often develops over time as a result of shared experiences and mutual respect. While having a list of qualities you want in a partner can be beneficial, it's important to remember that love is more than just checking boxes on a list.

Post by **Sharill Rasowo** » 12 Mar 2023, 03:23

I don't view it so much as a checklist for the other person, but as a way to understand myself and what I want in life. Love is wonderful but is not the only thing needed to make a relationship long-lasting. It is prudent that you share the same values and beliefs as the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and that you understand what you can and can't tolerate in a relationship.

Post by **Anna_Hernandez** » 12 Mar 2023, 12:04

I do not think that love can be rationalized by a checklist, but I do believe that more people should write down the characteristics they are looking for in a significant other. As you date people, you learn about qualities you love and hate. Some qualities may be uncompromising for you, such as someone who believes in polygamy versus monogamy. Writing these qualities down and continually updating them can help you avoid wasting your time or someone else's time in the search for a soulmate. Why should you tolerate something just to say 'I love you, but you have to change this quality'? That is unfair to both parties. If you feel negatively about being compared to a checklist of qualities, that other person is probably not for you - especially if they trusted you enough to tell you about the list and why they made it.

Personally, I would highly regard someone who had a list. I think it would be one of the best discussions to have while getting to know someone. Even if I didn't meet their expectations, I would be impressed with not having to play a 6-month, year long game that would inevitably lead to disappointment.