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Cristina-Ioana Toader wrote: ↑06 Feb 2024, 05:07 One aspect of the author's journey that profoundly moved me was the intense emotional turmoil he endured after embracing Christianity upon his return to Karachi. In Pakistan, where religious conversion can be met with social pressure and familial distress, his experience was particularly harrowing.
His conversion led to his parents being judged and ostracized, causing them to reproach him, but this was deeply painful for the author. The distress was palpable in his parents; his father fell severely ill with fever, a physical manifestation of his anguish, while his mother's accusations were cutting: "This is your doing. If he dies, it's your fault." In a desperate attempt to address the situation, his family even resorted to admitting him to a psychiatric hospital, hoping a diagnosis of mental instability might explain his conversion.
The emotional burden was almost too much to bear. Upon moving back to Texas, the ordeal didn't end; his father's letters, twenty pages filled with sorrow and blame, continued to arrive, each one a testament to the lasting emotional scars left by these resulting challenges. This was both disturbing and deeply touching simultaneously.

Can you just imagine your mother putting that kind of guilt trip on you? It’s the fodder of nightmares! I have to wonder if it is a cultural norm for families to react so dramatically, or, rather, overreact from our perspective. It certainly could be a way to control behavior for a person of less resolve and stamina. My own father tried similar tactics with me when I married someone of whom he disapproved, so I understand how much pain can be inflicted. However, it didn’t go anywhere near this far. You are so right about it being disturbing and touching.

I wonder how other immigrants deal with their families when they assimilate into new cultures and new religions. Possibly much the same? My own parents might have lost their minds had I converted to anything outside our Christian religion, come to think of it. To them, it would signal eternal damnation. I am sure the author’s family (and any other family) might also feel shamed within their communities, and within their religious congregations especially. Still, to put that much pressure upon their own son seems beyond anything I could do.

My daughter married a Taoist. I am not bothered by that. Would you be? After reading this book, and writing this insightful response to the forum question, how do you think you might react if you had a child who converted to a different religion?

Cristina-Ioana Toader wrote: ↑09 Feb 2024, 05:04

Can you just imagine your mother putting that kind of guilt trip on you? It’s the fodder of nightmares! I have to wonder if it is a cultural norm for families to react so dramatically, or, rather, overreact from our perspective. It certainly could be a way to control behavior for a person of less resolve and stamina. My own father tried similar tactics with me when I married someone of whom he disapproved, so I understand how much pain can be inflicted. However, it didn’t go anywhere near this far. You are so right about it being disturbing and touching.

I wonder how other immigrants deal with their families when they assimilate into new cultures and new religions. Possibly much the same? My own parents might have lost their minds had I converted to anything outside our Christian religion, come to think of it. To them, it would signal eternal damnation. I am sure the author’s family (and any other family) might also feel shamed within their communities, and within their religious congregations especially. Still, to put that much pressure upon their own son seems beyond anything I could do.

My daughter married a Taoist. I am not bothered by that. Would you be? After reading this book, and writing this insightful response to the forum question, how do you think you might react if you had a child who converted to a different religion?

It seems to me that cultural context plays a significant role in shaping our perspectives, particularly regarding religion. Coming from Europe, where religious indoctrination is less prevalent than in previous generations, I`ve been granted the freedom to choose my beliefs from an early age. As for myself, I intend to be even more open-minded with my child; I aim to offer him the same latitude of choice. Like the author of the book, we all view the world through our unique cultural lenses, just as our parents did through theirs.

I sympathize with the difficulties you've faced with your father. Sometimes, it seems parents exert control over their children out of a misguided sense of love, not realizing the full impact of their actions. As for the topic of religious conversion, I've been fortunate to have supportive parents throughout my life. While my father is quite conservative, I don't believe their reaction to any religious transition I might undertake would be as severe as what the author experienced.

In raising my own child, my highest priority is to support him in every way possible. My personal beliefs should not impede his happiness and well-being. If he feels safe, happy, fulfilled, and at peace, then I am satisfied. These ideals may seem idyllic on paper, and it's one thing to state them now, but I sincerely hope that if, in 15-20 years, my son decides to change his religion, I will stand firm in my current beliefs and support him wholeheartedly.
Is your daughter content? Is she secure and cherished? If the answer is affirmative, then you've succeeded in accepting your child's decisions and placing your trust in her.