Official Review: Alice Encore (The Birds of Paradise seri...
Posted: 25 Mar 2014, 20:54
[Following is the official OnlineBookClub.org review of "Alice Encore (The Birds of Paradise series Episode 2)" by Samuel P Jones.]
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I did not read Episode 1 of The Birds of Paradise, entitled Alice. I did read Episode 2, entitled Alice Encore. Whatever Episode 3 is called, I will not be reading it.
The story, written in installments by Samuel P. Jones, is about Sam and Alice, a 50-something man and woman who, unsuccessful in previous relationships, meet online and begin a “relationship” that seems to be based on just one thing – sex. It’s written in first person by Sam. The second installment begins with a brief but explicit review of their online sexual escapades, but the narrative quickly brings us to their second weekend together at Alice’s cottage. What follows after this meeting is about 12 pages of practically nothing but graphic sex (my ebook version is only 19 pages). All I can say is, Ugh.
I don’t know how explicit I can be with this review, but the sex scenes in this installment are about as trite as can be, written with every cliché in the book. To say the writing is unimaginative is a gross understatement. It’s like reading Penthouse Letters or Penthouse Forum. At least there you have some pictures. Here are some examples of the drivel:
- “The scene was romantic, log fire, candles and soft music but the feeling was hardcore sex.” Really? Was this written by an unimaginative 15-year old with raging hormones?
- The phrase “shagging our brains out” is actually used two or three times.
- Continually referring to certain body parts as “firm” and “erect” is neither original nor interesting.
- “We were unable to let each other go, craving the touch, the closeness, and the feel of our lips, tongues, and noses together.” This sentence was bad enough before the “noses” part. Then it went from clichéd to ridiculous.
- Sam actually refers to his “member” in the third person: “She would bring his big bell head almost out of her, and then slide him quickly right back inside of her.” It’s so bad I’m embarrassed to be typing it.
- “Pubic hair covering the smorgasbord of delights that await my mouth, tongue, and fingers.” It’s just excruciatingly bad.
I won't relate the more explicit (in fact, very explicit) language in this review, but it's just as bad.
In the midst of the pubescent-like sex romps that fill the first twelve pages, “Sam” launches into a strange discussion of monogamy, or lack thereof, in the animal kingdom. He then relates research done by an anthropologist on the subject, complete with an explanation of oxytocin and vasopressin. In the very next paragraph he again uses the expression “shagging our brains out,” immediately followed by more graphic sex with all kinds of things being rubbed and stimulated and sliding and moaning and squeezing and pumping. It’s just bizarre, with every overused sex verb thrown in to boot. Later, we get the chemical makeup of semen and why it’s okay, even healthy, for a woman to…well, you get the picture.
About three-quarters of the way through, after the rocking and sliding and pumping, etc., there seems to be some hope (to the reader) that a story may actually be lurking behind all that straddling, thrusting, exploring and rubbing. Because there seem to be some relationship problems between poor Sam and Alice. But the writing doesn’t get any better. It’s still trite and clichéd. The attempt to create some tension and drama falls flat. I just didn’t care about either of them. Too much sex, and too little of anything else. The last two paragraphs are the most interesting out of this entire mess, as they create some anticipation and drama that won’t be resolved until Part 3. But more likely than not, a few paragraphs into the next installment will see Sam and Alice once again spurting, gasping, pushing, sucking….
I give this one out of four stars. It’s embarrassingly bad. I won’t be around for the next installment. But somehow I think Sam and Alice will be back at it, knocking boots like a couple of teenagers once again.
***
Buy "Alice Encore (The Birds of Paradise series Episode 2)" on Amazon
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The story, written in installments by Samuel P. Jones, is about Sam and Alice, a 50-something man and woman who, unsuccessful in previous relationships, meet online and begin a “relationship” that seems to be based on just one thing – sex. It’s written in first person by Sam. The second installment begins with a brief but explicit review of their online sexual escapades, but the narrative quickly brings us to their second weekend together at Alice’s cottage. What follows after this meeting is about 12 pages of practically nothing but graphic sex (my ebook version is only 19 pages). All I can say is, Ugh.
I don’t know how explicit I can be with this review, but the sex scenes in this installment are about as trite as can be, written with every cliché in the book. To say the writing is unimaginative is a gross understatement. It’s like reading Penthouse Letters or Penthouse Forum. At least there you have some pictures. Here are some examples of the drivel:
- “The scene was romantic, log fire, candles and soft music but the feeling was hardcore sex.” Really? Was this written by an unimaginative 15-year old with raging hormones?
- The phrase “shagging our brains out” is actually used two or three times.
- Continually referring to certain body parts as “firm” and “erect” is neither original nor interesting.
- “We were unable to let each other go, craving the touch, the closeness, and the feel of our lips, tongues, and noses together.” This sentence was bad enough before the “noses” part. Then it went from clichéd to ridiculous.
- Sam actually refers to his “member” in the third person: “She would bring his big bell head almost out of her, and then slide him quickly right back inside of her.” It’s so bad I’m embarrassed to be typing it.
- “Pubic hair covering the smorgasbord of delights that await my mouth, tongue, and fingers.” It’s just excruciatingly bad.
I won't relate the more explicit (in fact, very explicit) language in this review, but it's just as bad.
In the midst of the pubescent-like sex romps that fill the first twelve pages, “Sam” launches into a strange discussion of monogamy, or lack thereof, in the animal kingdom. He then relates research done by an anthropologist on the subject, complete with an explanation of oxytocin and vasopressin. In the very next paragraph he again uses the expression “shagging our brains out,” immediately followed by more graphic sex with all kinds of things being rubbed and stimulated and sliding and moaning and squeezing and pumping. It’s just bizarre, with every overused sex verb thrown in to boot. Later, we get the chemical makeup of semen and why it’s okay, even healthy, for a woman to…well, you get the picture.
About three-quarters of the way through, after the rocking and sliding and pumping, etc., there seems to be some hope (to the reader) that a story may actually be lurking behind all that straddling, thrusting, exploring and rubbing. Because there seem to be some relationship problems between poor Sam and Alice. But the writing doesn’t get any better. It’s still trite and clichéd. The attempt to create some tension and drama falls flat. I just didn’t care about either of them. Too much sex, and too little of anything else. The last two paragraphs are the most interesting out of this entire mess, as they create some anticipation and drama that won’t be resolved until Part 3. But more likely than not, a few paragraphs into the next installment will see Sam and Alice once again spurting, gasping, pushing, sucking….
I give this one out of four stars. It’s embarrassingly bad. I won’t be around for the next installment. But somehow I think Sam and Alice will be back at it, knocking boots like a couple of teenagers once again.
***
Buy "Alice Encore (The Birds of Paradise series Episode 2)" on Amazon
