Death At Sunset

Use this forum to post short stories that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links.
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poppletron
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Death At Sunset

Post by poppletron »

She was so beautiful the way she stood there on that ledge. The wind fluttering her perfect hair while the sun began to set. Time froze yet sped up as she fell to the ground below. That God given woman fell to oblivion in the Sun’s dying light. Her life with so many possibilities cut short before she had the chance to spread her wings and fly. She hit the cement and her body went limp. It was a joke, and I didn’t mean to push her I swear to you. It was an accident I tell you so why don’t you believe me?
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DATo
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Post by DATo »

@poppletron

This is a nice bit of flash fiction. Despite the dark nature of the story it was beautifully phrased, and if you know anything about my own writing you know that I am a sucker for a twist ending and yours was a good one.

Nice job!
“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”
― Steven Wright
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Clifora
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Post by Clifora »

I really like how you described the lady's death as a really sad one. You phrased it in such a way that her death seemed so... depressing. For some reason the twist at the end really made me laugh. Great job!
“Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.”

— T.S. Eliot
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Peterson4
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Post by Peterson4 »

wow, really liked how you were able to describe the death. nice one
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CSM-writer
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Post by CSM-writer »

What a description! Well written. Captivating, andyet you left us hanging, but don't get me wrong, cliff hangers are awesome. Great exerpt...we want more!
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