Not As It Seems

[poppletron]

If I've learned anything it's that nothing is as it seems. I know what this must look like and it's not what you think. Based on the body here at my feet and my hands that have been stained oh so red, you probably have come to the conclusion that I killed her. Well, for your information I did not "kill" her. You're just not looking at things from the right perspective that's all, because it's not as it seems. If you see as I do you'd understand that she isn't dead at all. You'd see that I have merely freed her, I've allowed her to transcend our physical world, into a higher form of consciousness. She begged and pleaded, but it was for her own good. You could call it a favor from the goodness of my own heart, because I would consider myself a generous man. So take a seat, have a drink, and stay a while I do insist, because as I said this isn't what it seems.

[cokeow123]

Ok I am going to start off with I really like this little story here. The wording flows really nicely, and the word choice is really great. I really like the rationalization of killing her. Every one is the good guy in their own story, and it is really nice to actually get to see that. Additionally its very nice just to see that psychotic twist in there. I absolutely love the last line in the little story here, "So take a seat, have a drink, and stay a while I do insist, because as I said this isn't what it seems."
I have a couple thoughts on how you could improve this story. First would be to turn it from paragraph format to more of a poem structure. For example
If I've learned anything,
Its nothing is as it seems.
I know what this must look like
And it's not what you think.
Based on the body here at my feet
And hands have been stained
Oh so red.
You probably have come to the conclusion
that I killed her.
Well for your information,
I did not "kill" her.
As a short story, your one paragraph here seems a bit too short, length wise I believe it would work better as a poem. When I first started writing I wrote a couple paragraph stories like these, and it hadn't even occurred to me that it would work better as a poem. Its a story so it should be in paragraph form I thought, but I learned that poems could just as easily tell a little story, and for something like this they actually improve flow and significance of what you have to say. Another small issue I have is the "oh so red", I like the line but it does not seem to fit quite right. Its almost if that line is written in another style completely different then the rest of the story. Finally, personally I would have like to see it be just a little bit longer, this is mainly me just saying I wanted a little bit more of this story to read.
I really enjoyed this story, and I hope to read more stories by you in the future. Keep on writing, and don't feel pressured into changing anything, these were just my opinions, and how you might be able to improve.
Tim

[DATo]

Very nice. The sort of thing a modern day Edgar Allen Poe might write. I heard the echo of the narrative of The Cask Of Amontillado in fact.