Falling together, then falling apart

[Maya Maghidman]

I can feel the falling before it happens
I feel the push
from the cliff to the abyss
A hand nudges me gently and that is all it takes for me to fall in the trap.
Every single time I fall so easily
Sometimes I suspect the person who’s pushing me off the cliff is actually
me.
I could blame the whole world, and make a thousand meaningless excuses,
but deep down I know I am the one at fault.
I gave in as I always do
I gave in because I miss feeling loved
I gave in because I miss him and it burns and I can’t think anymore, I can’t sit still.
I am writing this so I don’t fall for it again.
I don’t want to push myself off the cliff again, knowing how painful the climb back will be.
I will have to hold on tightly,
be careful not to slip,
and climb back quickly so I don’t have the time to regret my decision
and fall for him all over again.
I don’t want to fall
I don’t want to slip
I want to stand, still and steady on the cliff, look at the view and be satisfied with it.
I don’t want to look in the abyss and pray I fall in it.
I don’t want to dream of him anymore
I don’t want to fight any longer
We have fought enough.
It is time I stay on the cliff and find a way to climb even higher.