Jokes, Funny, And Happy Things Thread

[ALynnPowers]

Trying to figure out what is on the table/shelf behind the product.

[PashaRu]

Some kind of stuffed animals, and I don't know what else.

[ALynnPowers]

Yesterday I accidentally typoed the word "tights" as "tits" and made someone laugh.

[PashaRu]

I bet they thought that was really funny.

[Bighuey]

Speaking of tits, that reminds me of Helen of Troy. One account said after the Greeks sacked Troy, Menalaus went through the town looking for Helen, he was going to kill her. He found her and as he raised his sword to lop off her head, she opened her blouse and showed him her tits. Menalaus thought wait a minute, I better keep this hot bitch. They went back to Sparta and lived happily ever after. So ladies, if your husband or boy friend wants to do away with you, you now know what to do to keep your head.

[DATo]

Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool.

"You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you."

"But everyone pees in the pool," said Little Johnny.

"Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"

=========

Matt's dad picked him up from school to take him to a dental appointment. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted that day, he asked his son if he got one.

Matt enthusiastically announced that he had. "I play a man who's been married for twenty years."

"That's great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll be giving you a speaking part."

=========

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds a little boy stood up. The teacher said, "Do you really think you're stupid?

The little boy replied, "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself."

=========


One day a first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home.

She read, "...and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'"

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"

One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said 'Oh my God ! A talking pig!'"

[Bighuey]

[ALynnPowers]

Speaking of tits, that reminds me of Helen of Troy. One account said after the Greeks sacked Troy, Menalaus went through the town looking for Helen, he was going to kill her. He found her and as he raised his sword to lop off her head, she opened her blouse and showed him her tits. Menalaus thought wait a minute, I better keep this hot bitch. They went back to Sparta and lived happily ever after. So ladies, if your husband or boy friend wants to do away with you, you now know what to do to keep your head.

Sadly, I learned this trick from my own experience.

[PashaRu]

Sadly, I learned this trick from my own experience.

It only worked because they were Japanese tits.

[ALynnPowers]

I almost made a comment, but then I realized that you were quoting me from some information that only you have access to... terrible!

[PashaRu]

Knowledge is power. Learn it. Live it.

[ALynnPowers]

Thanks, Philosoraptor.

[PashaRu]

Oh, he's not so smart.

funny-fossil-velociraptor-dinosaur.jpg (20.88 KiB) Viewed 358 times

[ALynnPowers]

No!!! My meme childhood has been ruined!!!

[PashaRu]

You shoulda listened to T-Rex instead.

Funny-T-Rex.jpg (11.51 KiB) Viewed 356 times