Official Review: Within the stars by Rachel marie lavita

[Bianka Walter]

[Following is an official OnlineBookClub.org review of "Within the stars" by Rachel marie lavita.]

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1 out of 4 stars

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Rebecca wants nothing more in life than to find love. From the age of 14, she witnesses her sister and her brother finding their own happy endings and is eager for her own to materialise. At her sixteenth birthday party, she is presented with a host of suitors. Will her true love be among them? Or will she have to wait a while longer to find the one?

Within the Stars can be classified as a short story. In only 20 pages, Rebecca goes from a 14-year-old girl to a 32-year-old woman, and because of this, the timeline is extremely hectic. The author, Rachel Marie Lavita, has tried to cram as much as she can into the pages of Rebecca’s life, but she has not done so succinctly. There are portions of the story that are bland, and with such a short book, that should never be the case. An example of this is when Rebecca is dancing with boys at her sweet-sixteenth birthday party. Each boy is painstakingly described, all the way down to their star signs. The boys do not play any other significant role in the book, so I feel that this was unnecessary.

The writing is very stiff. The sentences are short and choppy and there is no transition from one to the next. It was jarring, to say the least. It presented as a list of facts, as opposed to a functioning story. I would recommend that the author take some time to synchronise her ideas and thoughts and meld them into a cohesive story with a sensible flow.

The characters themselves are not easy to like. Rebecca is constantly envious of other people, her father is just trying to make successes of his children, and their entire family is rather pretentious. There is no indication of when this book occurs, so it was difficult for me to get a handle on what was expected of the characters. For instance, Rebecca is told from age 14 that she needs to start looking for a husband. Also, as mentioned, at her birthday party her father assembles ‘beaus’ for her to choose from. These seem like medieval notions to me, but then the rest of the book takes place in what I assume to be the present. It was confusing to read.

This book has not been edited. There are errors throughout, and it needs a good proofread. Because of the reasons given, I cannot give Within the Stars more than 1 out of 4 stars. I can’t think of anything that I really enjoyed in this short story. It needs strong editing before I can consider recommending it to anyone. By editing, I also mean that the story needs fine-tuning. There are places that the story should be condensed, and places that it should be expanded. For instance, Rebecca could use a more thorough introduction than she received. As I read on, I found I didn’t like her much. And for a lead character, that is not a recommendation.

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Within the stars
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Like Bianka Walter's review? Post a comment saying so!

[Ellylion]

Too bad the book lacks editing and the main character is not developed at all. Hopefully, the author improves her writing style. Thank you for a honest review!

[writingShannon]

Wow! It sounds like they published in the early formatting stage. The idea is one of those timeless ones that certainly could be reworked into a good tale. Hopefully, the author will take your advice even though I'm sure it will be a bit painful.

[Stephanie Elizabeth]

It's too bad that the author chose to cram such a long timeline into so few pages! I think I will skip this one, but thanks for the honest review!

[Meg98]

It seems like the book needed a bit more work in all aspects... perhaps the author was rushed to get it published, and should have taken more care with her writing style and the editing etc. Sorry to hear you didn't enjoy it, but thank you for your honest and well written review. Cheers:)

[Bianka Walter]

Too bad the book lacks editing and the main character is not developed at all. Hopefully, the author improves her writing style. Thank you for a honest review!

I hope so too
Thank you for stopping by!

[Bianka Walter]

Wow! It sounds like they published in the early formatting stage. The idea is one of those timeless ones that certainly could be reworked into a good tale. Hopefully, the author will take your advice even though I'm sure it will be a bit painful.

It is a timeless idea. Thank you for commenting!

[Bianka Walter]

It's too bad that the author chose to cram such a long timeline into so few pages! I think I will skip this one, but thanks for the honest review!

Absolutely, I would have liked to see it last a little longer.
Thanks for stopping by

[Bianka Walter]

It seems like the book needed a bit more work in all aspects... perhaps the author was rushed to get it published, and should have taken more care with her writing style and the editing etc. Sorry to hear you didn't enjoy it, but thank you for your honest and well written review. Cheers:)

I think with a little work, it would be a great story!
Thank you for your comments

[ElizaBeth Adams]

That timeline does sound like a lot to adequately cover in 20 pages. The idea of the story has some potential. I hope the author gets a chance to revise it. Thanks for your thoughts.

[kandscreeley]

I'm really not sure how even a great author with tons of experience could cover that much time in so short a book. It's just not feasible. Now, if the author adds some pages, I think it would help to get to know the characters better and become a much more complete story. As it is now, I'll pass on it. Thanks.

[Rachel Lea]

The plot of Within the Stars sounds pretty basic and unoriginal, but I feel that in the hands of a more experienced writer, one with a better grasp of pacing and character development, this story might have worked. Oh, well. Thanks for your review!

[Bluebird03]

I think that you certainly justified the reasons behind your rating. Hopefully the author will take your suggestions and revise the story. Thank you for a great review!

[Prisallen]

I feel like you need to have a connection with someone in a book to fully enjoy it. This does not sound like a book I would like to read, at least not in its present form. Thank you for a wonderful review!

[Bianka Walter]

That timeline does sound like a lot to adequately cover in 20 pages. The idea of the story has some potential. I hope the author gets a chance to revise it. Thanks for your thoughts.

It was just too much to cover
Thank you so much for stopping by!