Im Writing a Story called Powerless

[CombativeBOSS]

Hey everybody! I am currently writing a book called Powerless, which is still a work in progress. But if you could please look at my website, it would be greatly appreciated!


I currently have 2 chapters posted, for obvious reasons. Please tell me what you think! Thank you!

[Stinkin' Fascist]

It seems like it could get pretty interesting, something I would read, but it's missing something.

The sentences need to be longer, right now they're pretty short and cut which is odd.
Also, you do dialogue and then explain everything, try making it more like one of the characters telling it (unless you want it narrated) or transition it better; throw in some character thoughts.
It just kind of flows funny.

[CombativeBOSS]

Thanks, yea i know its a bit choppy, but its a work in progress... ive been going back and fixing it up. plus it doesnt help im only 17 lol

[Stinkin' Fascist]

Haha, true true.
But I congratulate you on that, it's quite the feat to be tackling at that age; not to mention accepting the constructive criticism.

Always here to help!

[CombativeBOSS]

Lol thanks, plus working on it between work and school? barely anytime. if you want, i could send you the rest and see what you think?

[Stinkin' Fascist]

Very understandable.

Aye, sure, send it my way via e-mail

e.r.franco21@gmail.com

[Dolor]

Hey everybody! I am currently writing a book called Powerless, which is still a work in progress. But if you could please look at my website, it would be greatly appreciated!



I currently have 2 chapters posted, for obvious reasons. Please tell me what you think! Thank you!

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