Jokes, Funny, And Happy Things Thread

[Bighuey]

Far out. Whatever flips your bippy.

[Himmelslicht]

Just wanted to say...

[PashaRu]

Nothing says "I love you" like "Here, honey, play with daddy's razor."

gillette-safety-razor-baby.jpg (20.02 KiB) Viewed 503 times

[Bighuey]

The mystery fart.

[Gravy]

[ALynnPowers]

My sister always said this about her throat when she was thirsty:

[PashaRu]

A young Native American boy was talking to his father. "Father, how do parents name their children?"

"Well, son, when a child is born, we look for a sign from the Great Spirit. For example, when I was born, my father looked up and saw an eagle. So I was named Soaring Eagle."

"And Uncle?"

"When your uncle was born, the great northern lights were in the sky. So uncle was named Fire in the Sky.

"And me?"

"Well, Pissing Monkey..."

bscene-moneypiss:

[Bighuey]

Good one

A guy was sunbathing nude on a beach. A little girl went up to him and pointed to where he lived and asked, Whats that? The man said, Get lost kid, Dont bother me. The little girl said I just want to know what that is then I wont bother you anymore. The man said, Okay, okay. Thats a bird. Now beat it. Later an ambulance came to the beach and hauled the man off screaming in pain. A policeman was asking people what happened to the guy, but no one seemed to know. He finally asked the little girl if she saw what happened to the poor guy. She said Sure I do. He showed me his bird, and it was so ugly that after he fell asleep I wrung its neck, stomped on its eggs and set fire to its nest.

[Fran]

A fellow was getting an Indian tattooed on the full lenght of his back. He says to the tattooist "Could you put a tomahawk in his hand please?" & the artist replied "hold on a second, I'm just finishing his Turban".

[ALynnPowers]

Too funny, you guys!

[Bighuey]

This is supposedly a true story my dad told me about when he was working in a logging camp. I may have put this on here before, I dont remember. If I have those of you who have seen it can ignore it, but you newbies might get a kick out of it.

Dad said when they hired a new guy the old-timers would get a chamber pot and fill it with beer and broken up doughnuts and put it in the mess hall. You can imagine what that looked like. When guys got done eating they would go to this chamber pot and lift it up and take a swig out of it for the benefit of the new guy. After most of the guys drank out of it, the new guy was kind of shocked until they told him what it was. Everyone was having a good laugh including the new guy until he said, "Gosh fellas if I had known that was beer and doughnuts I wouldnt have pissed in it." I dont imagine anyone was laughing after that.

[ALynnPowers]

This is supposedly a true story my dad told me about when he was working in a logging camp. I may have put this on here before, I dont remember. If I have those of you who have seen it can ignore it, but you newbies might get a kick out of it.

Dad said when they hired a new guy the old-timers would get a chamber pot and fill it with beer and broken up doughnuts and put it in the mess hall. You can imagine what that looked like. When guys got done eating they would go to this chamber pot and lift it up and take a swig out of it for the benefit of the new guy. After most of the guys drank out of it, the new guy was kind of shocked until they told him what it was. Everyone was having a good laugh including the new guy until he said, "Gosh fellas if I had known that was beer and doughnuts I wouldnt have pissed in it." I dont imagine anyone was laughing after that.

OMG that is the worst funny thing I have ever heard in my life! I wonder if he was serious!!!

[Himmelslicht]

[Bighuey]

This is supposedly a true story my dad told me about when he was working in a logging camp. I may have put this on here before, I dont remember. If I have those of you who have seen it can ignore it, but you newbies might get a kick out of it.

Dad said when they hired a new guy the old-timers would get a chamber pot and fill it with beer and broken up doughnuts and put it in the mess hall. You can imagine what that looked like. When guys got done eating they would go to this chamber pot and lift it up and take a swig out of it for the benefit of the new guy. After most of the guys drank out of it, the new guy was kind of shocked until they told him what it was. Everyone was having a good laugh including the new guy until he said, "Gosh fellas if I had known that was beer and doughnuts I wouldnt have pissed in it." I dont imagine anyone was laughing after that.

OMG that is the worst funny thing I have ever heard in my life! I wonder if he was serious!!!

Probably not. My dad was a great BSser. Him and my uncle would swap BS stories and swear that they were true. My uncle had a favorite he swore was the honest to God truth. When he was a boy he lived on a farm on the Little Big Horn River in Montana. He said him and this other kid took a steel rod and bent it into a hook and sharpend the end of it. They tied it to a rope and put a piece of meat on it and threw it in the river. The next day they went back and found something was cuaght on the end of it thrashing around. They tried to pull it in but couldnt. They went back to the farm and got their parents to come help them. Their dads and a couple hired hands couldnt pull it in either. They finally had to hitch up a team of horses and with a struggle pulled it out of the river. It turned out to be a giant catfish. They had to kill it by shooting it with deer rifles. They drug it up to the barn and hoisted it up with a pulley and it was so big they cut steaks off of it the size of a no. 3 washtub. My uncle always said he had a picture of it he would show us, but never did.

[Gravy]