Jokes, Funny, And Happy Things Thread

[ALynnPowers]

T-Rex jokes are fun!

[PashaRu]

I agree!

T-Rex-love.jpg (15.43 KiB) Viewed 366 times

[ALynnPowers]

I don't know how to attach pictures. Hahaha.

[PashaRu]

T-Rex is awesome.

funny-Trex-smartphone-self-shot.jpg (44.23 KiB) Viewed 364 times

[ALynnPowers]

I think he's pretty lame.

[lady_charlie]

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?

Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, and Michael Jackson....

was a pop star.

[ALynnPowers]

I think I laughed entirely too hard at that!

[lady_charlie]

Two muffins in the oven

One says, Wow, it is hot in here

the other one says, Hey, a talking muffin!

-- 13 Feb 2015, 20:54 --

a man tells the waiter he can't eat his soup
the waiter says, too cold?
no
too hot?
no
a bug in it?
no
waiter gets the manager who asks the same questions
manager offers to try the soup himself and asks the man for his spoon

man says

Ah!

-- 13 Feb 2015, 20:56 --

Why do ducks have flat feet?

to put out forest fires

why do elephants have flat feet?

to put out flaming ducks!

[Bighuey]

Whats purple and swims in the ocean?

Moby Grape.

Whats purple and conqured the world?

Alexander The Grape.

[lady_charlie]

What did the mushroom say to the fungus after they got back from their first date?

You are a fun guy!

[Bighuey]

A snail goes into a car dealership and tells the salesman he wants to buy a car. The snail picks out the one wants, and tells the salesman he wants a big S painted on both sides. The salesman says whatever for? The snail says so people will say look at that S car go.

[zeldas_lullaby]

I HATE the expression, "Keep Calm and Carry On." It drives me batty. I love reading those gorgeous magazines with design ideas, but they're all full of pillows and wall plaques that say, you guessed it, "Keep Calm and Carry On."

So I came up with the antidote: "Keep Calm and Carrion. Caw. Caw."

[Bighuey]

Two statues of a man and woman were brought to life by an angel after hundreds of years. The angel told them I have the power to give you life for one hour. In that hour you can do anything you want. They excitedly thanked the angel and ran off into the bushes. There was a lot of noise and activity, the angel thought they were playing adult games. After a half hour they came out of the bushes. The angel told them you still have a half hour. Go do whatever you want. The boy statue turned to the girl statue and said, okay this time Ill hold the pigeons and you can crap on them.

[Gravy]

Two statues of a man and woman were brought to life by an angel after hundreds of years. The angel told them I have the power to give you life for one hour. In that hour you can do anything you want. They excitedly thanked the angel and ran off into the bushes. There was a lot of noise and activity, the angel thought they were playing adult games. After a half hour they came out of the bushes. The angel told them you still have a half hour. Go do whatever you want. The boy statue turned to the girl statue and said, okay this time Ill hold the pigeons and you can crap on them.

[Bighuey]

Thats an old one but its held up pretty good.

You heard the story about this kid that was shipwrecked on an island and was there until he reached adulthood. One day he saw in the distance a piece of wreckage and it drifted to shore. On it was a beautiful sexy young woman. They talked for a while, exchanged experiences and so on. The girl said what do you do for fun here? The boy said not much, I dig for clams is about all. The girl said, can I show you how to have some real fun? The boy says sure. She takes him by the hand and they go off in the bushes and she shows him what real fun is. After they finished, she asked him now wasnt that more fun than digging for clams. The boy says yeah, it was great but look what you did to my clamdigger.