Need some third party advice on wedding crisis

[rachel_bruhn]

We are getting married in Cassopolis (skiing at Swiss Valley). I originally wanted to do Boyne Mountain, since we have vacationed there a couple times, but he wanted to do something closer to home so people didn't have to drive so far.

I am an avid skier and, thankfully, have not suffered any injuries. I would be really upset if I was injured and everyone left me (on my honeymoon) to go skiing while I was laid up in bed. The only exception would be if the lift tickets and such were already paid for and couldn't be refunded. I would hate for it to go to waste.

-- 02 Oct 2015, 13:28 --

So I stopped responding to the thread on The Knot, but checked in to see if anyone else had commented and offered helpful advise. I really shouldn't have done it. It is nothing but an onslaught of how terrible I am for doing an outdoor winter wedding, without a formal reception IMMEDIATELY following (we are doing a hot chocolate bar for our ceremony guests), and wanting to have a larger reception later. The general consensus there is that we shouldn't have the reception at all for one reason or another.

I feel so torn right now. I am furious that people could treat me like that when all I did was ask for advice on how to move forward with my current dilemma. Part of me wants to unleash my inner fury, but the better part of me knows how futile that would be. Not to mention the small part of me that actually cares what people think and knowing that there are others that are going to think that way (some of which we have invited to our "reception"). I know it probably shouldn't bother me like it does, but I can't help it.

Is it wrong for me to not invite all of our guests to the ceremony? Is it wrong to treat our later celebration ("reception") as though it were taking place after the ceremony, meaning including all of the usual post-wedding festivities and such?

[zeldas_lullaby]

Can you contact the mods on The Knot and have your thread deleted? That's just appalling. I know what you mean--when I get angry, woebetide he who crosses me. What a bunch of jerks. I agree with BookOwlie, but I won't add that sage stage advice: break a leg!

No, no, you're just being human to get upset at being cyber-lynched. Geez. I'd probably be crying, screaming, or otherwise going through emotional agony.

[rachel_bruhn]

Well thank you for the support. Inside I am doing all of those things, but I've learned to be pretty tough....plus I'm practicing not always speaking my mind...especially when I am angry.

[zeldas_lullaby]

HA HA HA! Me too. Well, emphasis on "practice." I don't often succeed!

-- October 2nd, 2015, 4:05 pm --

Actually, I've been thinking about it, and I'm more outspoken than that. I'm not advocating this for you, since we're all entitled to our mental outlooks, but I like to speak up when I'm angry. The idea of people treating me rotten and then not hearing about it in some way, shape, or form just really gets under my skin. I've also decided that it's a virtue to let people know when they're in the wrong.

What I try to do is make certain the person (or group) really IS in the wrong, so that I don't fly off the handle hot-headed over something that could turn out to be a misunderstanding. That's when I find it best to say, "You hurt my feelings when you ....."

And the person could say, "Oh, I'm sorry, that wasn't my intention at all!"

Crisis averted.

But when someone truly treats me wrong, oh, watch out. (I swear, I'm not an assassin or anything like that. All I use are my words.) But I can promise you that in an instance like that, if I were being lynched by a group of holier-than-thou wedding planners, I wouldn't hold back much--just enough to make sure that my words hurt them right back and shove a mirror in front of their soulless, self-righteous, wedding-obsessed faces.

I'm sure that sounds crazy, but I feel that I was born into this life to point out others' shortcomings (particularly in the area of consideration and kindness) to them, and also to learn not to be a doormat. (I used to let me people treat me awful and I'd just stay silent. I believe that that's what sent me over to the dark side.)

Again, that's not what I'm advising for you to do, since we have different senses of right and wrong, but that's what I would do. And that's why I would do it.

[rachel_bruhn]

One of the rude people commenting on my thread has an icon below their name that says "moderator". The username is "shes so cold" with the tagline "bend over and ill show ya". If that is the type of person that is moderating on that website I will NEVER use it again and I will make sure to spread the word to all of my friends not to use it. How terrible!

[zeldas_lullaby]

They are horrible! OMG! I'm not even certain what that means, but it sounds either bad or incredibly kinky.

Well, you've warned me. If I ever become engaged, I'll avoid that site like the plague!! No doubt in my mind.

[anonanemone]

People definitely need to loosen up. Weddings are no longer so traditional as far as set ways of doing everything as they used to be. There is a lot more flexibility. Besides, everybody knows that you have a destination wedding so almost everyone will say they can't come and send a present anyways! j/k

Talk about non-traditional, my sister held her reception the day before the wedding (at a Mexican restaurant) but it was still awesome because everyone showed up and there is always a pick up band whenever my family is at an event They got married the next day at the court house with just immediate family. I know it sounds cheesy but it went well and they were able to use the money they saved to have a honeymoon in Mexico.

When it comes to your son though, you are absolutely in the right. You are the parent. As a grandparent it is not her right to be upset if her opinions or recommendations are not always acted upon. The only exception is for safety or health and if the concern is that serious then it is her duty to report it. Of course I seriously doubt the issue is with anything like that. I do have concerns that your fiancée is leaving you to deal with his family on your own with no support at all.