Baby, what's your age?

gali · Post by **gali** » 10 Jul 2017, 00:21

StanLaurel wrote:
gali wrote:I was shocked when I read she was only 13, especially as he was much older than her. I agree that the gap won't matter at older ages. I don't think their relationship would have worked even if Elias knew that she was underage from the start, as she was much too young for him. She was a kid really and thought like one.

I have never got involved with people significantly younger than me when dating. My Husband is 4 years older than me.

I don't know what book this is referring to, but apparently there was a big age difference.

I feel like this is targeted more towards men though. If men would get involved with someone younger (barely legal perhaps). Obviously you couldn't have dated younger. But since you're a woman, you should have answered if you have or if you would have dated significantly older.

We are referring to the BOTM, "My Trip to Adele". I would have dated older men, but 10 years is my limit.

StanLaurel · Post by **StanLaurel** » 10 Jul 2017, 01:00

Amcdanel86 wrote:
Amagine wrote:I would never date someone who is significantly younger than me. Three years is my limit. If they are more than three years younger than me then it won't work.
But what about older

-- 06 Jul 2017, 04:08 --

I think age matter a little big. because if you are 25 and they are 17 that makes a difference. once they are over 18. age is just a number. I am 30 and I typically wont date 19-20 because they are at the party stage and immature for me. so age is a number it the maturity that matters. my husband is 16 years older then me and we get a long. some time he points out that I may not know something cause I wasn't born yet, but we work together fantastically

What do you mean by "I am 30 and I typically won't 19-20....."? You're married so obviously not. Why even use the word typically? That makes it sound like perhaps you would date someone that young. I highly doubt that though. You should have just said "Even if I were single, I would never date someone that much younger". I wonder though if you would've dated someone just 2-5 years younger. Probably not I suppose.

Donnavila Marie01 · Post by **Donnavila Marie01** » 10 Jul 2017, 09:44

I find it absurd if someone sets an age limit of someone to be their partner like. My limit is 5 years or less because I believe that it is not really an issue to be given much attention.

gali · Post by **gali** » 10 Jul 2017, 11:39

Donnavila Marie01 wrote:I find it absurd if someone sets an age limit of someone to be their partner like. My limit is 5 years or less because I believe that it is not really an issue to be given much attention.

Indeed, it isn't that big an issue if you connect with each other.

StanLaurel · Post by **StanLaurel** » 10 Jul 2017, 17:27

Donnavila Marie01 wrote:I find it absurd if someone sets an age limit of someone to be their partner like. My limit is 5 years or less because I believe that it is not really an issue to be given much attention.

I'm confused. Wasn't it you who said "my bf is 12 years older"? Was that a typo?

raikyuu · Post by **raikyuu** » 10 Jul 2017, 20:25

The stigma is real for adult to underage relationships. The age gap (say, 10, 20, or 30 years difference) is not really controversial when both individuals are of consent age (18 or 21 and above), it merely becomes a kind of preference (even though the age difference has its challenges). Elias broke off when he heard that Malika was 12 not because of preference, but because of the stigma. Of course, there's a reason why this stigma exist, but the encounter of Elias and Malika is not one you can simply find in your average school or in your neighborhood. A genuine relationship could have been possible for them, although it would be a hard one.

gali · Post by **gali** » 10 Jul 2017, 23:31

raikyuu wrote:The stigma is real for adult to underage relationships. The age gap (say, 10, 20, or 30 years difference) is not really controversial when both individuals are of consent age (18 or 21 and above), it merely becomes a kind of preference (even though the age difference has its challenges). Elias broke off when he heard that Malika was 12 not because of preference, but because of the stigma. Of course, there's a reason why this stigma exist, but the encounter of Elias and Malika is not one you can simply find in your average school or in your neighborhood. A genuine relationship could have been possible for them, although it would be a hard one.

No matter his reasons, he acted nobly. I don't know if a genuine relationship could have been possible for them, as she changed too much for that. He had in mind a certain glorified image of her and once she grew out of it, he realized it wasn't meant to be.

Donnavila Marie01 · Post by **Donnavila Marie01** » 11 Jul 2017, 05:33

NikkyT wrote:Age used to be important to me in the way that I would never go out with a boy that was younger than me. That only changed when I met my husband, although I did think he was older than me at the time. I'm obviously so glad I changed the way I thought now as we're coming up to our 4th wedding anniversary! I very much feel like age is just a number nowadays and some people just fit together no matter how old they are. Obviously not if one of them is underage though.

There are some people who are younger than their age and some who are older than their age.

gali · Post by **gali** » 11 Jul 2017, 05:42

Donnavila Marie01 wrote:
NikkyT wrote:Age used to be important to me in the way that I would never go out with a boy that was younger than me. That only changed when I met my husband, although I did think he was older than me at the time. I'm obviously so glad I changed the way I thought now as we're coming up to our 4th wedding anniversary! I very much feel like age is just a number nowadays and some people just fit together no matter how old they are. Obviously not if one of them is underage though.
There are some people who are younger than their age and some who are older than their age.

You sure are right! Age is just a number as the saying goes.

StanLaurel · Post by **StanLaurel** » 11 Jul 2017, 06:41

NikkyT wrote:Age used to be important to me in the way that I would never go out with a boy that was younger than me. That only changed when I met my husband, although I did think he was older than me at the time. I'm obviously so glad I changed the way I thought now as we're coming up to our 4th wedding anniversary! I very much feel like age is just a number nowadays and some people just fit together no matter how old they are. Obviously not if one of them is underage though.

I wish that when people post about their own experiences, they would mention the ages of everyone involved. It sounds like you guys are similar ages. So naturally age is just a number especially when you're in the same age group.

raikyuu · Post by **raikyuu** » 11 Jul 2017, 07:10

gali wrote:
raikyuu wrote:The stigma is real for adult to underage relationships. The age gap (say, 10, 20, or 30 years difference) is not really controversial when both individuals are of consent age (18 or 21 and above), it merely becomes a kind of preference (even though the age difference has its challenges). Elias broke off when he heard that Malika was 12 not because of preference, but because of the stigma. Of course, there's a reason why this stigma exist, but the encounter of Elias and Malika is not one you can simply find in your average school or in your neighborhood. A genuine relationship could have been possible for them, although it would be a hard one.
No matter his reasons, he acted nobly. I don't know if a genuine relationship could have been possible for them, as she changed too much for that. He had in mind a certain glorified image of her and once she grew out of it, he realized it wasn't meant to be.

You may say that Malika changed "too much" for a genuine relationship in a span of 8 years, but I can't identify any person who doesn't undergo change in 8 years (whether they be underage or adults). It may be just Elias's decision to not pursue Malika because of an unrealistic image in his mind, but it doesn't mean that it would be impossible for him to realize that his "love" is based on an unrealistic image of Malika. He could have made the relationship possible by learning about his "love" and fix it, if he really wanted to. If he keeps this up (leaving the person because she "changed"), I don't know if he could ever survive any long-term relationship.

SilviaP21 · Post by **SilviaP21** » 11 Jul 2017, 07:29

I think there is enough proof that sometimes maturity doesn't come with age. So I don't pay much attention to age differences. I guess it depends on how the two of them feel. If a relationship makes one feel like a pedophile, then there's definitely a problem

gali · Post by **gali** » 11 Jul 2017, 07:53

raikyuu wrote:
gali wrote:
raikyuu wrote:The stigma is real for adult to underage relationships. The age gap (say, 10, 20, or 30 years difference) is not really controversial when both individuals are of consent age (18 or 21 and above), it merely becomes a kind of preference (even though the age difference has its challenges). Elias broke off when he heard that Malika was 12 not because of preference, but because of the stigma. Of course, there's a reason why this stigma exist, but the encounter of Elias and Malika is not one you can simply find in your average school or in your neighborhood. A genuine relationship could have been possible for them, although it would be a hard one.
No matter his reasons, he acted nobly. I don't know if a genuine relationship could have been possible for them, as she changed too much for that. He had in mind a certain glorified image of her and once she grew out of it, he realized it wasn't meant to be.
You may say that Malika changed "too much" for a genuine relationship in a span of 8 years, but I can't identify any person who doesn't undergo change in 8 years (whether they be underage or adults). It may be just Elias's decision to not pursue Malika because of an unrealistic image in his mind, but it doesn't mean that it would be impossible for him to realize that his "love" is based on an unrealistic image of Malika. He could have made the relationship possible by learning about his "love" and fix it, if he really wanted to. If he keeps this up (leaving the person because she "changed"), I don't know if he could ever survive any long-term relationship.

You are right. It may have been possible, if Elias really wanted it to work. Also, if I got it right, he already had a girlfriend (I forgot her name). It wasn't clear from the tale if there was anything between them or if she was just a business associate.

-- July 11th, 2017, 3:54 pm --

SilviaP21 wrote:I think there is enough proof that sometimes maturity doesn't come with age. So I don't pay much attention to age differences. I guess it depends on how the two of them feel. If a relationship makes one feel like a pedophile, then there's definitely a problem

I think we all agreed that it is ok unless the partner is underage.

raikyuu · Post by **raikyuu** » 12 Jul 2017, 05:58

gali wrote:You are right. It may have been possible, if Elias really wanted it to work. Also, if I got it right, he already had a girlfriend (I forgot her name). It wasn't clear from the tale if there was anything between them or if she was just a business associate.

Yeah. That part with the "girlfriend" wasn't really delved on that much. I feel the authors think that this part wouldn't have that much influence on Elias's decision.

gali · Post by **gali** » 12 Jul 2017, 09:51

raikyuu wrote:
gali wrote:You are right. It may have been possible, if Elias really wanted it to work. Also, if I got it right, he already had a girlfriend (I forgot her name). It wasn't clear from the tale if there was anything between them or if she was just a business associate.
Yeah. That part with the "girlfriend" wasn't really delved on that much. I feel the authors think that this part wouldn't have that much influence on Elias's decision.

I agree. Being his girlfriend, she should have been part of the equation, in my view. Also, I found their dialogues rather cold and dry.