Me
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Tishayla Rachel Treasure
- Posts: 1
- Joined: 13 Jul 2024, 05:20
- Bookshelf Size: 0
Me
Favourite
To be someone favourite. What does this mean? Is it even achievable for me? I’m always contorting and extorting myself to help others and get i’ve never experienced someone doing the same for me. I give 100%, they give 10 and i’m praising them as though the love is equal. As if 10 will always be enough for me. As if i don’t deserve the other 90%…
~Treasure
Failure
If the world were to stop spinning right now and my life was assessed as of this minute, there wouldn’t be anything that I could say I’m excelling at. My mental health has triggered a ripple effect flowing onto my friends. My job as a personal assistant is no longer required and my job search has been taking longer than statistically usual. My family is struggling to pay for me to go to college while i’m sat here broke as f*ck not doing a damn thing to help myself. My future husband turns out to be a figure of my imagination as I’m only worth a talking stage and some emotionally detached sex. Year 12s are purchasing their first cars while I can’t even legally drive yet. After years of practicing how to socialise I still can’t manage to find a good friend that i can call my bestie. And last but not least my whole life I’ve waited for this one birthday that i knew i’d enjoy no matter what, my 18th and I haven’t even got any friends to invite to it. The worst part is within all these errors, if you look closely, sparks of my effort will shine through. I go to college everyday and talk to new people everyday, I make sure to ask my boss if she needs any help AT LEAST once a week, I’ve applied for an apprenticeship and have been going to the main office every other day to ensure that I’m getting as much help as possible, Everyday after college I go to businesses to ask if they do apprenticeships and to hand in my CV, I downloaded wizz again like a little kid so i could hopefully stop feeling sorry for myself and start looking for guys instead of letting them come to me, I have several theory test studying apps downloaded of which i use quite frequently and I have been planning my 18th birthday since the beginning of this year but now i just have no one to do it with.
~Nobody Cares Dork
Unlovable
Feel me, view me, breathe me, taste me. Shudders. Unpleasant I know, why do you think I’ve hidden my lips, layered my skin and kept my distance? I want to be a ghost. The texture look and taste of my skin is not just natural but disgracefully disgusting too. I’m too ashamed to even love you as what love am i to give if there’s none left? Spit on me, shove me down stairs, drag me by my hair so I can let my limbs go loose, bang my head into that corner and slit my own throat. Then just maybe I’ll have a reason to be so f****g crazy. For now i’m just ill as there is no real reason behind my behaviour. Everyone else goes through these emotions and sometimes worse so why me? Why should I get to act out of pocket and be excused for it? Why should I be allowed a day off to bed rot in my wheelie bin? That’s right. I shouldn’t. So get the f*ck up and keep trying to succeed in your cycle-ridden game of “love”.
~The Hoe, Treasure
To be someone favourite. What does this mean? Is it even achievable for me? I’m always contorting and extorting myself to help others and get i’ve never experienced someone doing the same for me. I give 100%, they give 10 and i’m praising them as though the love is equal. As if 10 will always be enough for me. As if i don’t deserve the other 90%…
~Treasure
Failure
If the world were to stop spinning right now and my life was assessed as of this minute, there wouldn’t be anything that I could say I’m excelling at. My mental health has triggered a ripple effect flowing onto my friends. My job as a personal assistant is no longer required and my job search has been taking longer than statistically usual. My family is struggling to pay for me to go to college while i’m sat here broke as f*ck not doing a damn thing to help myself. My future husband turns out to be a figure of my imagination as I’m only worth a talking stage and some emotionally detached sex. Year 12s are purchasing their first cars while I can’t even legally drive yet. After years of practicing how to socialise I still can’t manage to find a good friend that i can call my bestie. And last but not least my whole life I’ve waited for this one birthday that i knew i’d enjoy no matter what, my 18th and I haven’t even got any friends to invite to it. The worst part is within all these errors, if you look closely, sparks of my effort will shine through. I go to college everyday and talk to new people everyday, I make sure to ask my boss if she needs any help AT LEAST once a week, I’ve applied for an apprenticeship and have been going to the main office every other day to ensure that I’m getting as much help as possible, Everyday after college I go to businesses to ask if they do apprenticeships and to hand in my CV, I downloaded wizz again like a little kid so i could hopefully stop feeling sorry for myself and start looking for guys instead of letting them come to me, I have several theory test studying apps downloaded of which i use quite frequently and I have been planning my 18th birthday since the beginning of this year but now i just have no one to do it with.
~Nobody Cares Dork
Unlovable
Feel me, view me, breathe me, taste me. Shudders. Unpleasant I know, why do you think I’ve hidden my lips, layered my skin and kept my distance? I want to be a ghost. The texture look and taste of my skin is not just natural but disgracefully disgusting too. I’m too ashamed to even love you as what love am i to give if there’s none left? Spit on me, shove me down stairs, drag me by my hair so I can let my limbs go loose, bang my head into that corner and slit my own throat. Then just maybe I’ll have a reason to be so f****g crazy. For now i’m just ill as there is no real reason behind my behaviour. Everyone else goes through these emotions and sometimes worse so why me? Why should I get to act out of pocket and be excused for it? Why should I be allowed a day off to bed rot in my wheelie bin? That’s right. I shouldn’t. So get the f*ck up and keep trying to succeed in your cycle-ridden game of “love”.
~The Hoe, Treasure
