What changes you would make in the book, if you were the author?

[ReyvrexQuestor Reyes]

I am more concerned with feminine qualities. As in other books, I read where the leading woman character is bold and enterprising, courageous and smart, I feel aghast when she comes to the romantic portion and she exhibits the morals of an alley cat. I mean could the author here make Cynthia not so naive sexually? That's the revision.

[fmd1821]

I really like questions like this because they make you reflect... and the possible answers are endless. In the present case, I think I would have focused more on the "cyber war" story and not on the romance. Many things have already been written about romance, while the possibilities for technology can still bring a lot of originality to a book. In short, I would have been more interested in the "innovative" side rather than in the "common" one.

[Jimi Adewole]

I would definitely try to bring Sky out as much less creepy.

[Jimi Adewole]

I might also change the title to either remove Dan's name or bring Sky in.

[Gabriel Merêncio]

That's a tough question since, in my opinion, this novel needs a complete overhaul starting from the planning stage. There are personal choices I would make to fit my own preferences, like eliminating or significantly tweaking the romance bits and instead focusing on the cyber war, but by that point it would be an entirely different story. I think the bare minimum that should be done to turn this from a 1 out of 4 rating to a 2 or even 3 out of 4 is:

1. Make Sky an actually nice, likable guy who respects Cynthia and doesn't do things like getting her phone number behind her back or incessantly writing letters.
2. Give Cynthia better characterization and development. She should act like the mature, competent woman she is supposed to be. She should also have more concrete motivations and show more thought and hesitation about how to feel and act when it comes to her relationships.
3. Flesh out Cynthia and Dan's relationship and show us clear reasons to cheer for Sky, preferably without turning Dan into a cheap villain.
4. In fact, flesh out Cynthia and Sky's relationship beyond this "love at first sight" nonsense.
5. As far as the cyber war aspect goes, give better, more personal motivations for the characters to pursue the terrorists, do better research on the topics, and focus on a more specific, achievable goal like figuring out the drone mystery. Introduce villains and challenges that actually pose a threat to the main characters.
6. It's a minor thing, but Cynthia and Dan really makes no sense whatsoever as the title.

[Paige Alvarado]

I feel that if she took more time to develop the love connections, characters, and the cyber war, it would add quite a bit of length to the story; but also it would improve it quite a bit.

[Allyseria]

I would definitely add more backstory for Sky and Cynthia. To me, the backstory is important so that the readers can learn about why they do things the way they do, and ultimately make them care more for the characters. It would probably help explain more of why Sky decided to act in a certain way, and maybe make us understand more about his actions.

[Hutygags]

I'd split the love triangle and the counter-terrorism plot. They did not inform each other enough to warrant being in the same novel. In fact, they often undercut one another.

Cynthia fastidiously checks her boss' office for bugs of any kind, but is surprised to find a tracker on her own car.

[shravsi]

probably I would have first outlined how my character's personalities developed or what are their qualities. Not change them abruptly on every page to suit my needs.

[danielleamy]

Honestly, the the thing that was most difficult for me to ignore was the contrived conversation at times. At times, especially in the beginning it felt unnatural which took my attention away from what was happening. An editor once told me the best way to check your dialogue is to read it out loud. If it’s not something you’d say to another person out loud you shouldn’t write it that way.

That's some great advice! The speech for me was something that I couldn't ignore. It was so unnatural and fake.

[Anthony__]

I think the character need be more developed on each of the characters. So that the book would look more real as a stand-alone book

[Brendan Donaghy]

I read the sample and didn't care for the rest of the book. The dialogue was poor, Sky came across as a creep, and I wanted Cynthia to spray mace, or tell him to jerk off. The story felt very fake. The changes would be both Cynthia's and Sky's characters, I would reassess the character relationships and rewrite their verbal exchanges, and I would choose the adventure or action genre. As I didn't read the whole book, that's all I can say for it.

The dialogue is what stopped me from reading further. If the characters don't talk like normal people, then they don't have any credibility. If characters don't have any credibility, then why should I be interested in them?

[Lady-of-Literature]

Two major changes can make any story better in my opinion;

1.) well-rounded characters with fault and promise

2.) an established method of order storytelling (ex. chronological order).

[Atharva Joshi]

Develop the characters of Cynthia and Sky a bit before tossing them up in a relationship. Its a classic case of insta love where the bond isn't shown between the characters and then the romance just feels forced.

[RachelRovere]

The part of the book I had the hardest time reading was the relationship between Cynthia and Sky. The way Sky talked to Cynthia was over-the-top affection from the second his character was introduced. The author wrote in a number of sweeping gestures for him and instead of coming off as romantic, as they were intended, they felt creepy and invasive. Pulling a strange woman into a restaurant and not letting her leave is bad enough, entering into her house while she is unconscious is absolutely not okay. Without any additional context between the two of them Sky seemed more like a stalker than a romantic interest.