Leaving Behind Trauma

[MsH2k]

I thought the Mark arc was a little rushed. With a father like Joey and the dynamics in that house, it is clear that Mark would want to distance himself for his own wellbeing. I’m curious about JJ’s role, though. I’m not sold that he has Mark’s best interest at heart now. I think he is more concerned about himself and the business, and he didn’t want Mark there because he thought it would make him look bad. I also was suspicious of JJ’s motivation for telling the twins their dad would be proud of them for joining the Marines. I have this nagging suspicion he knew, like Lena, that his dad would not have wanted that. Having the twins gone would be less competition for him.

Lena knew their household was dysfunctional, and she had her own healing to go through. I think Lena never reached out before because she was battling her own demons and feeling hopeless. Time sometimes gets stuck in a loop when you are just surviving.

I found it interesting that when Lena went to see Mark, it was a warm reunion. It clearly showed Mark wanted a relationship with her. He and Frankie even invited her to stay with them the next time she comes to visit.

[Readinggrl18]

I agree that Mark was staying away to protect the family and protect himself from his past. It must have been confusing for him that his father was so hurtful and his mother stopped trying to help him. It seemed like the children didn't knew how Lean was hurt by their father as well, until the twins witnessed it. It must have made Mark feel abandoned by Lena. I also think Mark stayed away because he found happiness. He found someone to love and be loved by and felt accepted where he lived. There was little need for him to visit a place that would cause him and others pain when he was so happy where he was.

[HannahsReads]

I agree and I think one of the themes of the book was how hard it was for many of the characters to deal with past trauma caused by their families. Even Lena, who is a loving character, has been unable to face her past, which is probably why she didn't reach out to Mark earlier.

[Ldpuff]

I agree, how sad it is. I feel as though this is real-life relatable. I personally know some gay men who have moved far away from home because they only have bad memories of this small town. If someone feels as though they do not fit in where they were raised, it is not unusual for this person to move away and find a sense of belonging elsewhere. Everyone wants to be accepted for who they are and staying in a negative situation does not feel good for anyone.

[crisanja]

I thought the Mark arc was a little rushed. With a father like Joey and the dynamics in that house, it is clear that Mark would want to distance himself for his own wellbeing. I’m curious about JJ’s role, though. I’m not sold that he has Mark’s best interest at heart now. I think he is more concerned about himself and the business, and he didn’t want Mark there because he thought it would make him look bad. I also was suspicious of JJ’s motivation for telling the twins their dad would be proud of them for joining the Marines. I have this nagging suspicion he knew, like Lena, that his dad would not have wanted that. Having the twins gone would be less competition for him.

Lena knew their household was dysfunctional, and she had her own healing to go through. I think Lena never reached out before because she was battling her own demons and feeling hopeless. Time sometimes gets stuck in a loop when you are just surviving.

I found it interesting that when Lena went to see Mark, it was a warm reunion. It clearly showed Mark wanted a relationship with her. He and Frankie even invited her to stay with them the next time she comes to visit.

I agree that it felt rushed. I could have used an extra 20 pages, if not an entire book, to cover the dynamics of Lena reuniting with her sons and the family healing from the trauma of their past. I thought it was interesting that when Lena went over her memories of her sons from the point of view of a survivor she realized that despite the mistakes she felt she made her sons were strong, caring, and hadn't taken after their father.

[TheMazeRunner]

Because Lena was to scared and occupied to find strength and cover Mark from his father, Mark felt like he was too much to handle. If someone is abusive to you, you will run away one way or another.

[Elvis Best]

I believe you are right there. The trauma caused by his dad suppressing his true feeling must have been very difficult for him. And for his mom to sit idly by while his dad did that could not have been easy. Staying away from home must have been his only way of forgetting this painful part of his past.

[psmith5659]

Most often trauma affects not only the physical but also mental state of an individual. I believe Mark didn't want to go back because the parents left a mark and home was where it all began so even though the father was dead, he still had a some sort of hold on him. He might have felt that going back might just reopen wounds that have him years to heal. And he wasn't ready to relive those moments.

I definitely agree, this is what stops so many people from returning to their old homes in our real lives, so I think it was fitting that this is why Mark stays away. This realism in his reaction helped the book to feel a little more real.

[zainherb]

It is actually understandable because he wanted to stay away from the bad memories he had with his family. And for me, I think it is also a form of self-care for Mark because maybe he wants to heal his wounds first then face them again whenever he's ready.

Absolutely!
Staying away from the reminder of the trauma he experienced is indeed a form of self care. And, like they say- you gotta look out for number one.
When he's ready, he can go back.
And if he never feels ready, then that's okay too.

[shirleym89]

I think that Mark was not ready to face his trauma. He had bad memories of his home.

[Shatakshi Gauriar]

There were no better words to put it. One should feel safest at his/her home, from what Mark was feeling, it was traumatizing. Wherever you find peace, you must seek that place, it's very important to feel loved.

[Alice Ngugi]

A child's parents have the most impact on who they become eventually. Mark was still bitter most likely because he was dissapointed that the two people that were supposed to take his side unconditionally had failed him. Maybe he thought it best both for him, and his mother, for the pain not to be rekindled, which is absolutely what I would do if I was in his position. It is not always so easy going back to a place that affected most of who you are.

[ashleymarie310]

I think part of the reason he stayed away is because of Lena's role in his feelings of isolation from his childhood. Your question kind of reminds me of a Maya Angelou quote: "At the end of the day people won't remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel."

By not stepping in and defending him, Lena made Mark feel every bit as lonely and insignificant as his father did, so I do think it's understandable that Mark was reluctant to return and reopen those old wounds.

[Mtibza eM]

He was hiding because of his sexuality. Instead of he trying to convince people of it, he saw fit to just move away.

[salvo_]

Perhaps his father was only the face of a completely toxic household and his sexuality was a reason to stay away. Understandable.