Is it Jeremy's fault he is so obese?

Heidi M Simone · Post by **Heidi M Simone** » 15 Mar 2016, 05:52

bookowlie wrote:I still think Connie is the main culprit. A teenager (Jeremy) is not the one bringing home the groceries or, for the most part, preparing meals. Connie just kept grabbing fast food or high-calorie, greasy leftovers from where she worked.

Cozy Rozy (welcome to the forums!) - I agree with you that there is an emotional component to Jeremy's overeating, but it would have been easier for him to lose weight if his mom had healthier meal choices in the house.

I absolutely agree, bookowlie, that Connie is the main culprit here. Like LivreAmour217 has also said it's not an issue that has happened overnight. It's something that from a very early age, he's learned to live this way. He seemed to have the childhood where he was ignored and therefore has some deep emotional issues as well, which doesn't help.

I can understand that it's tough for Connie being a single mom and having two jobs, but with the time she spends in grabbing a large of amount of fast food every night, why doesn't she stop at grocery store one or two nights a week and grab a couple of healthier options? Maybe after/before work on the weekends?

If she thought about it a little more, then by the time Jeremy turned 15, he would be able to go pick up groceries himself and help around the house more to ease the burden of mom.

I don't blame the food industry. They do what they to sell, just like clothing, furniture, books, etc. Growing up where McDonald's and Dunkin' Donuts were right down the street, I never had the issue of overeating. Did I have them occasionally? Absolutely! However, did I crave them everyday? No. The biggest point I'm trying to make is that if Jeremy was nurtured, taught and was paid attention to more growing up, then he wouldn't have ended up where he did throughout most of the novel.

Gravy · Post by **Gravy** » 15 Mar 2016, 07:05

I agree that most of it falls on Connie's shoulders. For one thing, why did she bring so much food home?!

Despite the nutrition of the food a person eats, if they eat the proper amount (and don't have other contributing factors), they just won't gain that much weight.

But I also think that the culture has to change, and until the majority of people choose to do something about it, nothing will change.

I also think there are two major groups on the different sides of any given argument, and those are: the ones who understand, and the ones who don't.
Unfortunately, I think we're all familiar with both sides, just of different arguments. It's the whole "walk a mile in the other's shoes" dilemma. We all may hope that we'd be better, do different if we were in Connie/Jeremy/Calvin/even Darwin's shoes, but who can say that anyone would?

People are how they are for a reason.

hsimone wrote:The biggest point I'm trying to make is that if Jeremy was nurtured, taught and was paid attention to more growing up, then he wouldn't have ended up where he did throughout most of the novel.

I agree. I just wish that it was more realistic for people with low incomes to achieve that. Yes, some women are able to do it, and maybe if Connie hadn't been so focused on having a boyfriend she could've offered Jeremy a lot more, but the horrible truth is that people with "poop" jobs (as she had in the book) are often treated poorly, and threatened if they can't work overtime.

That's a whole different ball of yarn, though

Heidi M Simone · Post by **Heidi M Simone** » 15 Mar 2016, 07:52

I agree. I just wish that it was more realistic for people with low incomes to achieve that. Yes, some women are able to do it, and maybe if Connie hadn't been so focused on having a boyfriend she could've offered Jeremy a lot more, but the horrible truth is that people with "poop" jobs (as she had in the book) are often treated poorly, and threatened if they can't work overtime.

That's a whole different ball of yarn, though

Very good point to bring up. I also wish it was easier for lower-income families. I think I struggle with this concept because technically I was in a low-income household growing up. I received both free breakfast and lunch everyday at school for as long as I can remember. The difference with my situation is that I have two loving parents, mom stayed home while dad worked (so someone was always there), and a strong family connection that I never thought I was without.

The other issue at hand is the fact that Connie became pregnant so very young, so maturity-wise and financially, she wasn't ready for a child. Some people can make it through okay with this (and eventually Connie was able to), but for most of the story, she struggled. Now, we go into the issue of making the right choices, which when being young, minds are sometimes foggy. Then, we can go into her upbringing as well...oh goodness, it just continues!

This is such a great discussion, and I'm glad to be part of it! It gets us all thinking about the book, but real life as well.

KateNox · Post by **KateNox** » 16 Mar 2016, 17:16

It's really a difficult question.
On one hand, you can't forever keep blaming other people because of your inability to manage something. So, I don't think one can entirely blame Connie for Jeremy's obesity. Yes, she should have notice it and help him out, but in the end, it's not like Jeremy was completely unaware of what kind of food he was eating and how much. You always know what is good for you and what is not, but whether we choose to lie ourselves about it so we can enjoy the sinful, bad habits - it's another matter.
On the other hand, eating disorders are not just "eating" disorders - it goes way deeper than that, it is a psychological problem as well. You can never blame a person for having a psychological problem, or an emotional one. From that point of view, it's not Jeremy's fault either.
It's one of those situations when it's everyone's fault and nobody's fault. Really interesting topic to discuss.

Skoraeus · Post by **Skoraeus** » 18 Mar 2016, 05:53

He shouldn't be held fully responsible for his obesity. Other factors apply, metabolism, and in which he was 'lured' to the junk foods. Well, I mean, everybody does love it, and it came as no surprise Jeremy's one of the few that have obtained his size from such unhealthy food.

Sarah G · Post by **Sarah G** » 21 Mar 2016, 14:17

I think many have hit the nail on the head here. It is not Jeremy's fault alone. Yes he does decide what he eats, however he has been brought up on unhealthy food so sees it as the norm rather than something to change. The issue is because this has been going on so long it has become routine for him, which means something drastic would most likely have to happen for him to change his ways.Even when Connie was cooking him healthy meals he would still be snacking. Jeremy also didn't try to cook to take the pressure of his mother (eve something like pasta).

Some blame has to be put on Connie. It is understandable that she would struggle cooking healthy food with working two jobs, however there must have been healthier options at some point that she could have brought home as an alternative.

However I think one of the main issues was that Jeremy had no outlet for his fears and frustrations that lead to him indulging himself. His mother was either working or tired, his grandfather would only judge and insult him and there didn't seem to be anything at school. By the time he did get help he was too used to being igonred he didn't take it.

jhollan2 · Post by **jhollan2** » 25 Mar 2016, 18:06

I agree with most posters here that the fault can be pretty distributed to a lot of places, which is kind of the whole point of the book. Yes, Jeremy is responsible for his own body and weight, but Connie, his mentally abusive grandfather, and his mother's mentally abusive boyfriend are also partially to blame. Jeremy got a lot of abuse at school and also at home, so he spent his time hiding in his room, playing video games with other socially isolated people who could understand him. Even when he tried to exercise and lose weight, his grandfather constantly belittled and undermined him, insisting on having unhealthy food in the house and mocking Jeremy when he exercised. Added to that Connie bringing home so much bad food, Jeremy really didn't have much of a chance even if he wanted to lose weight.

Igor Martinez · Post by **Igor Martinez** » 26 Mar 2016, 12:58

[quote="HorrorFan87"]It's everyone's fault. Firstly, Jeremy said it quite right, there is no sole person at fault for obesity. Everyone in the world, whether they are aware of it or not, is at fault.

I agree with you!

bluemel4 · Post by **bluemel4** » 31 Mar 2016, 08:42

In the beginning of the book I would say that it was not Jeremy's fault that he is obese. He is constantly being triggered at home by his grandfather and his mother's boyfriend. When he looks to his mother for support she often fell silent and let the two men in his life bully him.He did not have the tools to make his own food or the motivation to make healthy choices. He did not even realize the consequences on his overall health that being obese had. I was so mad at Rex when he brought his own healthy dinner over to Connie's house and then complained about making Jeremy eat the crap food. I was yelling at the page, telling Rex he should have brought some healthy choices for Jeremy!

After a while of going to the "fat slayers" it seemed like he had a lot more self-awareness and knew what it meant to put the candy and fast food into his mouth instead of dealing with his emotions. I think he began to take responsibility for himself during the trip to Dallas but was unable to sustain his new resolve because of the overwhelming revelations and the comfort and need for old coping mechanisms. (overeating and playing video games)

At first it was a lot of people in his life that were to blame for Jeremy being obese, but then when his house was full of healthy options and he had the awareness of what he was doing to himself, it became Jeremy's fault that he continued to be obese.

Vermont Reviews · Post by **Vermont Reviews** » 25 Apr 2016, 06:04

bookowlie wrote:I have read a third of the book so far and think Connie bears a lot of responsibility. She doesn't make time to buy healthier foods and always comes home from work with leftovers from the restaurant or fast food. Considering how overweight Jeremy is, it's amazing to me the types of foods she brings home.

Why is it that we know that we should not do something and we do it anyway?

Veda · Post by **Veda** » 27 Apr 2016, 11:26

Eating healthy is a choice that each person has to make. Although i definitely think that having healthy food around the house would have helped, if Jeremey was in the mindset to eat healthy, he would not have gone for it even if it was readily available. Helping is not giving advice but coming to an understanding with the person you are trying to help.

Paliden · Post by **Paliden** » 03 May 2016, 16:52

Not entirely. There are definitely many factors in his obesity.

Gravy · Post by **Gravy** » 03 May 2016, 17:26

Vermont Reviews wrote:
bookowlie wrote:I have read a third of the book so far and think Connie bears a lot of responsibility. She doesn't make time to buy healthier foods and always comes home from work with leftovers from the restaurant or fast food. Considering how overweight Jeremy is, it's amazing to me the types of foods she brings home.

Why is it that we know that we should not do something and we do it anyway?

This question offers itself to many answers, and interesting thoughts.
In the case of Connie, as the question was posed toward her actions, she took the easiest road. It meant she didn't have to stop for food, or pay for it.

But to twist the question towards Jeremy and his eating habits, especially once he knew what he needed to do and not do, and had the means, yet still made bad choices...why would he do that?

I think people make those choices because they don't feel as though they deserve the better ones.

H0LD0Nthere · Post by **H0LD0Nthere** » 25 May 2016, 22:05

One often overlooked point here ... Fat defends itself.

Fat and high blood sugar lead to a series of chemical changes in the body which make the body respond to a drop in energy, not by burning stored fat, but by causing sugar cravings.

This biochemical process is explained in great detail in the terrific book, Good Calories, Bad Calories, by Gary Taubes, which I highly recommend (natch).

Yes, it's true that we are all responsible for what we put in our mouths.
But it is NOT true that we can tell simply from looking at someone, what and how much they have been eating. Tiny chemical differences between people really can cause large differences in how quickly their body puts on fat, and how willingly it gives it up.

Gravy · Post by **Gravy** » 02 Jun 2016, 23:07

H0LD0Nthere wrote:One often overlooked point here ... Fat defends itself.

Fat and high blood sugar lead to a series of chemical changes in the body which make the body respond to a drop in energy, not by burning stored fat, but by causing sugar cravings.

This biochemical process is explained in great detail in the terrific book, Good Calories, Bad Calories, by Gary Taubes, which I highly recommend (natch).

Yes, it's true that we are all responsible for what we put in our mouths.
But it is NOT true that we can tell simply from looking at someone, what and how much they have been eating. Tiny chemical differences between people really can cause large differences in how quickly their body puts on fat, and how willingly it gives it up.

I would have loved for that science to have made it into the book.

I also don't always agree with the statement "people make their own choices", for one very simple reason: rats infected with toxoplasmosis become attracted to the sent of cat urine.

Just because we're human doesn't change the fact that our brains are vulnerable to do much.