heritage & mothers

AntonelaMaria · Post by **AntonelaMaria** » 06 Mar 2020, 08:05

djr6090 wrote: ↑05 Mar 2020, 10:47 Her abandonment issues did not seem to impact her ability to be an excellent mother. Her nurturing care for her daughter were evident throughout the book. I think she balanced her insecurities with her need to provide what she missed in her own upbringing, The author did a fine job of offsetting the two.

I believe that too. And maybe that set a ground for next book in the series where she will look for her mother side of the family. Good job on the authors part.

AntonelaMaria · Post by **AntonelaMaria** » 06 Mar 2020, 08:10

ElizaBeth Adams wrote: ↑02 Mar 2020, 10:46 Hillary's baggage connected to her motherly heritage is something I can relate to, albeit in a different context. My mother died young, and I have faced fears of feeling like I would also die young; that somehow I was cursed and history was doomed to repeat itself. Hillary seems to fear that she is doomed to repeat her mother's actions. In reality, she has a choice as to whether or not she abandons her daughter, but she feels like she doesn't have a choice.

Sorry for your loss. That had to be difficult thing to overcome. Often time we feel like we don't have a choice. It takes time to see a bigger picture. I feel her struggles were real. I also feel like that is something you just deal whole your life...being better mother, daughter, sister, person.

AntonelaMaria · Post by **AntonelaMaria** » 06 Mar 2020, 08:12

Kelyn wrote: ↑01 Mar 2020, 15:36 We sre a product of our upbringing. Hilary hadn't had a Mom to learn from. Naturally that was going to affect her confidence in herself as a mother. She also had no Mom to call for advice and support her as a mother. I know from experience (my Mom died when my first was very young) that your confidence in yourself and how your doing things is negatively affected by that. Hillary was a good parent to Claire, but it's easy to understand her insecurities.

Sorry for your loss. Yes, she is easy to understand. On another note I also feel like she is stuck more on it because she has so many questions about it. We woman need that elusive closure. So I feel for her on that note too.

AntonelaMaria · Post by **AntonelaMaria** » 06 Mar 2020, 08:15

B Creech wrote: ↑03 Mar 2020, 17:07 I felt Hillary was a good mom to Claire. I do believe her own mother's abandonment played a huge role in her insecurities about herself. She was a good mom, a successful writer, and had a super husband yet she had low self-esteem which I think was a product of her childhood and not having her mom.

If only we could see our accomplishment as other do. I think we are our worst enemy at times. It gets so easy to focus on one thing and form our life around it. And be stuck on it.

Brenda Creech · Post by **Brenda Creech** » 06 Mar 2020, 13:36

AntonelaMaria wrote: ↑06 Mar 2020, 08:15
B Creech wrote: ↑03 Mar 2020, 17:07 I felt Hillary was a good mom to Claire. I do believe her own mother's abandonment played a huge role in her insecurities about herself. She was a good mom, a successful writer, and had a super husband yet she had low self-esteem which I think was a product of her childhood and not having her mom.
If only we could see our accomplishment as other do. I think we are our worst enemy at times. It gets so easy to focus on one thing and form our life around it. And be stuck on it.

Oh, I absolutely agree! We get comfortable where we are and it's easier to just stay there than to change. I don't think anyone really likes change. We are too critical of ourselves!

nanglada · Post by **nanglada** » 07 Mar 2020, 13:32

It must be really hard to be a good mother when you didn't have a role model growing up to follow. I think Hillary was a great mother to Claire, even with all her self-doubt.

Jocelyn Eastman · Post by **Jocelyn Eastman** » 07 Mar 2020, 21:25

I felt that Hillary’s search for her family’s past was also really reflective of her mom being gone. Especially since the information is for that of a female relative.

As for the relationship with Claire it seems like a good relationship, but you can see some cracks in it here and there. I’m not sure if they are insecurities or a product of everything happening in the book. Probably both.

Misael Carlos · Post by **Misael Carlos** » 07 Mar 2020, 23:17

Family relationships are complex especially mother and daughter dynamics. There seemed to be no standard way of bringing up children to make them good citizens. Regardless of how they were brought up, a child will have their own personality, even one that is unexpected despite excellent trainings. They could become good or evil depending on the different environment factors that they interact with.

Laura Lee · Post by **Laura Lee** » 08 Mar 2020, 16:59

I like your question. It shows a lot of insight into human nature. Some people react to trauma in childhood by passing on the same sort of mistreatment that so damaged them, usually through habit, but I've known two people who did it deliberately. Shocking, I know. I couldn't believe my own ears! Why would you mistreat someone else in the same way that hurt you so much?

Hillary seemed to take the second approach: she wanted to protect her daughter from being hurt in the way she'd been hurt. She certainly wasn't perfect, but at least she'd started the process of being a better mother. I always have tremendous respect for any parent who is able to learn from their own parents' mistakes and not repeat them.

Herbstlicht · Post by **Herbstlicht** » 09 Mar 2020, 03:17

Hilary is a mother by intuition, and a pretty good one at that. I think she did a great job with fighting the demons from her past when it comes to raising Claire.

The doubts on whether she's doing a good job just made me like her more. I know that feeling too well.

nooregano · Post by **nooregano** » 09 Mar 2020, 06:27

Hillary had her issues but it seems that she tried to confront them. That's something that really takes strength of character, and is not easy at all.

Aditi Sapate · Post by **Aditi Sapate** » 09 Mar 2020, 08:03

I do think this is a parents' tendency to try to avoid the mistakes their parents made with them. As the book deals with family secrets and mysteries, I think the inclusion of Hillary's reflections on parenting do add an interesting dimension to the book.

Cecilia_L · Post by **Cecilia_L** » 09 Mar 2020, 11:29

Many of Hillary's doubts about her parenting were born of insecurities from her childhood. While I didn't agree with all of her choices, I felt most parents could relate to her character.

mmm17 · Post by **mmm17** » 09 Mar 2020, 12:26

I'd like to think that this aspect actually made her a better mother, more aware of the importance of this crucial role in a girl's upbringing.

Elizabeth Pass · Post by **Elizabeth Pass** » 11 Mar 2020, 12:58

I like how realistic those insecurities are. Often, those with terrible parents try desperately hard not to be like them. Her experiences made her a better mother since she knew the overall impact she would have.